Nosemonkey's EUtopia

Quick question for Guido (oh, and Recess Monkey) – since when is accusing someone of being a paedophile the same as breaking a story that a man has (presumably) had sex with a 23-year-old male prostitute? Since when has 23 been under age, and since when has homosexual sex been the same as raping children?

It looks rather like this sordid little scoop (which in any case would have taken the News of the World far longer to fully verify and get past their lawyers than the two and a half days they had after Guido/Recess Monkey’s podcast) was entirely thanks to the papers. British bloggers still only have the scalp of a trainee journalist to their name. And the blogger responsible for that was American in any case.

Although I don’t deny that Guido comes up with the goods sometimes, nor that he is quite likely to expose something genuinely dodgy at some point, I’m with Justin, Jarndyce and DoctorVee on this one…

Whoever’s actually responsible for this little business coming to light (perhaps related to the person responsible for this little breaking of the law?) – set your sights higher next time, ideally on Tony Blair, Charles Clarke or Charlie Falconer. Destroy someone who actually matters and fully deserves it – go for the sharks, not the minnows.

Christ, no wonder bloggers aren’t taken seriously if all we can do is brag about breaking minor stories that we actually had nothing to do with…

Still can’t quite get my head around what the point of this whole outing thing was.

I mean John Major/Edwina Curry, yes – scoop. News. Potential extra angle on policy decisions. Important.

Blunkett and wassername, yes – scoop. News. Potential conflicts of interests. Highlights interconnectivity of government and media. Abuse of ministerial power to aid private life. Important.

Robin Cook/his secretary, not really. “Man away from home for extended period makes bond with someone he sees daily” is hardly news.

Oaten / some younger man, no. No conflict of interest. No extra angles on policy decisions. “Married man is secretly gay” likewise hardly news.

Guido claims the scoop, anyway. Not much to be proud of, I’d have thought, destroying the life of a minor politician and doubtless his family to boot… Still, Guido’s commentors seem to be having fun – latent homophobia or just the repression of wishing they had the guts to hire some arse themselves? How about this from “Delves Broughton Jocelyn Victor Hay”? (I really hope I’m just misreading a parody here…)

“I think Oaten’s prostitution policy not hypocritical rather stealthily pandering to his own homosexual interest. Another thing, the ‘Right Honourable’ Mark Oaten is a gross moral coward and prevaricator, unwilling to confront his deviance”

This has also made Menzies Campbell go down in my estimation. I mean, what’s this crap about?

“No party is entirely subject to what happens to any one individual. The party is much bigger than that and my task as acting leader is to restore a sense of unity and purpose”

Fuck off, Ming – your job as a decent human being is to back your colleague by stating that it’s a private matter and you’re not going to comment, not to try and make political capital out of it to bolster your leadership bid.

I had no particular time for or interest in Oaten, and still don’t. He always struck me as a tad smug. But if his parliamentary colleagues are going to shun him over this due to pathetic fears that their tiny party might suffer electorally (newsflash, guys – you’re already at your peak, and it’s downhill all the way from here no matter what you do), then any sympathy I had for the little orange bastards will entirely vanish.

Oh yes,following the revelation that the police are holding DNA records on TWENTY-FOUR THOUSAND innocent 10-18 year olds, read this:

“taking the police work out of police work. If some DNA evidence turns up at a crime scene they can run it against the database of all those people just to make sure they’re still innocent. Don’t worry sir, we can re-establish your innocence in a matter of moments. Everyone’s a suspect until the computer says they’re not.”

The Liberal Democrats just got a lot more press coverage, but again for all the wrong reasons: BBC – Oaten resigns over rent boy claim.

Yep – that’s rent boy. (So much worse than simply “prostitute” don’t you think? Got those added layers of objectification and hints of paedophilia – after all, when was the last time you saw a 23-year-old man referred to as a “boy” in any other context?)

News of the World managing editor Stuart Kuttner said Mr Oaten had been confronted with details of a relationship with a 23-year-old rent boy by reporters from the Sunday paper.

Aaaah! The good old News of the World, the least principled paper in the country, once again standing up for our nation’s morals by forcibly outing a politician most people have never heard of. Lovely…

Fuck off Falconer, you unelected twat:

“The question is should you require – and I think ultimately, unless there is compulsion, you won’t get the benefits of an ID card system – is it right to compel those that don’t have a passport also to get an ID card?

“I think it is, I think it will become inevitable that you need reliable means of identification, both to stop people stealing your identity, and also making it much, much easier for you to deal with the state.”

I don’t especially WANT to have todeal with the state, ta very much – every time I have to it takes money off me. Why would I want to make that process easier?

Right – these should do it. Top work: 1, 2, 3. All I need now is some entertaining monkey news, and I should be able to handle the two hour wait until the lunchtime pint…

Man in “boasting about sexual prowess” shocker! Next week we bring you yet more amazing revelations: “Sky is blue”, “Monkeys are funny” and the long-awaited proof that yes, water is indeed wet. Fucking pointless load of crap bastard wankpiss.

Despite the hamster news earlier, my rage is simmering near the brink this morning – and it’s not helped by having run out of coffee. All it’ll take is one stupid government announcement…

Update (2 minutes later): GAH! Housing in “expensive” shocker! REALLY? People on low incomes can’t afford to pay four hundred grand for a home? FUCKING AMAZING. Arsedicks.

Something to cheer you up – aaaaaw!

You’d never guess that Austria’s more eurosceptic than the UK the way this EU presidency’s going. First we had the revival of the constitution, now we’ve got proposals for an EU tax, a barkingly superstatist idea that crops up every now and again before traditionally being shot down in flames.

Chancellor Schuessel – correctly – told the European Parliament that “Europe needs a strong way of financing itself”; he knows full well, however, that it is never going to happen through taxation as long as the UK is a member.

Never mind the arguments in favour of such an approach (after all, it could well help to increase transparancy and leave less budget flexibility for the notoriously weak EU accountants to “misplace” dosh with, plus would make it clear to each EU citizen precisely how little the EU actually costs them while getting rid of the constant disputes over who should pay what, rebates and the like) – it simply is not an option at this time, as such a move would require unanimity from all member states, and no British government (or, probably, Danish for that matter) would risk it. Even if dear old Tony “This lady IS for turning” Blair tried to give in and accept an EU tax, there’s no way in hell Gordon Brown would let him.

So why all the shit-stirring? What is Schuessel up to?

I could start to like this Cameron chap…

The European Parliament is set to vote on what to do with the constitution tomorrow – but is this just putting the cart before the horse? As national parliaments begin to work together and MEPs try to work out the way forward, cross-border political discussion and co-operation is taking place up top. But what about the rest of the European public sphere?

“in the absence of a common identity, there is no true and sustainable European community. And any such common identity is vitally dependent on the existence of a pan-European public space. A European public space would be a realm in which transnational values and principles – or transnational practices if you will – can be defined, shaped and reshaped, and in which supranational political institutions can gain legitimacy.”

An interesting series of articles from Eurozine are linked down the side of that article, providing a handy overview of this ongoing debate over the possibility of a truly EU-wide demos and identity, as the Austrian EU presidency kcks off its campaign to get the continent discussing precisely what it is that we all want.

That webchat thing has been going on for an hour and forty minutes. The single most tedious, slow-moving and pointless hour and forty minutes since I havd the misfortune of having to review The Tango Lesson (still the worst film I’ve ever seen).

Note to the government: it’s possible to download two episodes of The West Wing in the time it has taken your lackey to answer a paltry twenty-odd pre-submitted, pre-vetted questions. This is meant to be a web CHAT, for fuck’s sake. If you’re going to experiment with funky “new” web technologies, do it properly – or at least have the decency to pull your sodding fingers out of your overpaid arses so you can type with both hands.

E-Democracy at work folks – bore everyone so fucking rigid they all piss off and take their own lives rather than pay any more attention to your mindless, repetitive drivel.

GAH.

Via Jarndyce, there’s a “live” webchat with Louise Casey, Head of the Government’s “Respect task force”, over at Number 10’s website this afternoon at 3pm. All questions, naturally, to be submitted for vetting in advance… Jarndyce’s submission is rather fun – I went for short and (surprisingly) non-sweary:

“Respect has to be earned – why, exactly, should we respect a Prime Minister who keeps launching legislation designed to cut back on our civil liberties and rewarding his friends and party donors with peerages?”

Something tells me that neither of us will be responded to…

Update: Apparently it’s starting shortly – only 10 minutes late… But why is it being hosted by The TwoFour Group rather than on Downing Street’s own site?

Update 2: First question in “obvious plant” shocker! Short version: “Aren’t ASBOs great?” The answer admits the problem of drunks causing trouble, but no mention of 24 hour drinking…

Update 3: God, this is tedious. A question that isn’t even a question from one “Jimmy Devlin” (the same Jimmy Devlin who claimed to have lost trust in Labour back in September 2003? HIf so, he seems to have regained it…) – short version? “Everything the government has proposed is great”

Oooh! And a great piece of doublethink from our Louise: “People need to know that there are rules in decent societies and if you break those rules you face consequences. We can only have liberty and live without fear if we are secure in the knowldge that rules are there to make us safe.” Summary justice ends fear! Rules are freedom! Hurrah!

Update 4: Good God, it’s turning into The Field of Dreams: “The more people know the more people will come forward” – “If you build it, they will come…” Or should that be Wayne’s World?

And now “Tony Cranwell” gets his second question answered, while those from Jarndyce, Mr McKeating and others go ignored…

Update 5: And now a second question from “Brian Baitup” is responded to…

Update 6: “Absolutely nothing will ever excuse throwing a stone at an old aged pensioner walking down the street” – not even it it’s Thatcher?

And where the hell did this crap come from? “not allowing a single mum to get in a shop without hassling her to buy them alcohol or taking over a toddler’s playground to start fires” – eh?

This isn’t exactly topical – a rather nice little rundown of the pisspoor mess that is the French electoral system from MatGB – it is, however, very good stuff.