Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

Police tactics

“Police say the tactics, which involve shooting suspected suicide bombers in the head, are the most effective.”

Police also say that “the most effective way to stop criminals from committing crimes is to shoot them in the head,” and that “the most effective way to stop ordinary citizens from becoming criminals is also to shoot them in the head.”

Even taking into account the unlikely event of someone surviving seven or eight bullets to the brain, this tactic has a 99.9% success rate in preventing future offences, and projections forecast the biggest single reduction in criminality since records began.

And, following this logic, today the government will draw up fresh legislation to streamline the justice process.