Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

November 24, 2006
by Nosemonkey
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Italy overview

There’s a top-notch overview of the historical difficulties facing the new Prodi administration in Italy courtesy of the supremely readable Phil Edwards, up now at The Sharpener. More knowledgable and insightful analysis than anything else you’re likely to have read this week.

November 23, 2006
by Nosemonkey
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Right-winger in favour of EU!

Via Jarndyce (yes, I know… I nearly fainted from shock…) I’ve found my first right-wing blogger in favour of staying in the EU! (Yes, I know… I nearly fainted from shock…)

It’s about bloody time one of these cropped up – there’s a surprising number of them around in the real world, where the fantasy land of a fully independent, self-sufficient Britain is seen as just as (if not more) unrealistic than a federally integrated EUtopia. By all means slag off the EU – it deserves it at least as often as not – but at least have the dignity, when positing counterfactuals, to make sure that they are vaguely plausible. (Says the man who argues for a complete reform of the EU on a multiple-tier membership system that could eventually spread out geographically to cover at least the same area as the Council of Europe, if not beyond… I know…)

November 23, 2006
by Nosemonkey
Comments Off on Meme time

Meme time

Let’s get this out of the way sharpish. Via Not Saussure, ten things I’ll never do:

10) Slap a nun with a haddock

9) Travel faster than the speed of light

8) Shag Jean Arthur (damnit…)

7) Swim the Sea of Tranquility

6) Meet a nice South African

5) Eat Brian Blessed

4) Kill a man using nothing but a single baked bean and a rolled-up copy of the Tablet (though I would consider it with the Church of England Newspaper)

3) Staple a monkey to a tree

2) Staple an elephant to a tree (although, to be fair, largely only for logistical reasons)

1) Join a political party

November 23, 2006
by Nosemonkey
4 Comments

Dutch electoral confusion

The Dutch elections are confusing me. Nanne has the results and is trying to work out potential coalitions, but no one is agreed on what’s going to happen next. The New York Times reckons the country will swing to the left, the Washington Post sees a vote in favour of the pre-elections centre-right government with a marked rise for extreme parties on either side of the political spectrum, while EurActiv sees a political dead heat marked largely by a rise in votes for anti-EU and anti-immigration parties.So, anyone care to enlighten me? All the English-language Dutch political blogs I used to read seem to have died… What’s going on, and what are the implications?

Update: Ah! Here we go – Guy of Non Tibi Spiro with an informed roundup over at Fistful.

Update 2: And now former Europe Minister Denis MacShane’s in on the act, with a surprisingly sensible overview ruined by a thoughtlessly stupid attack on Proportional Representation at the end – already countered by Make My Vote Count, just as they countered MacShane’s previous attacks on PR after the German elections last year.

Update 3: And now The Economist’s on the case, arguing the results show the rise of the far right and a clash with Islam. Odd…

Update 4: Nanne’s back with more – damn good stuff. I still don’t understand what the hell’s going on, but then it doesn’t look like anyone does. Yet.

November 22, 2006
by Nosemonkey
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Simon Heffer: Blogger

(Originally published on The Sharpener)

Simon Heffer is not a columnist for whom I usually have much time – although his biography of Enoch Powell was relatively interesting, that was more down to the subject than the author. If anything, the writing style put me off reading the thing more so than did old Enoch’s politics.

Still, Heffer has a piece in the Telegraph today about the French socialists’ presidential candidate Ségolène Royal, for whom I am holding out much hope (based largely on desperation for some kind of major, top-level reformist drive in the French political system that could finally give the EU a chance for significant improvement), so I thought I’d give him another go.

Heffer’s principle contention is that a President Royal would change France not a jot – although thankfully not for the same reasons as his fellow right-winger, Richard North of EU Referendum, who contests that

“Be they socialist or ‘right’ wing, there is one thing all French politicians have in common – they are French. And being French, they all think the same way”.

Although not as bad as that, Heffer doesn’t start well, it must be said, following the suggestion from one of Royal’s staff that Britain must finally choose between the US and EU with the typically unoriginal and tedious “look at me, aren’t I clever?” retort of innumerable not-as-clever-as-they-think-they-are anti-EU bloggers:

“Oh really? And just how, I wonder, would that choice be forced upon us? Will the French navy blockade Dover, Portsmouth and Felixstowe until either we divorce Uncle Sam or agree to complete immersion into the institutions of the Euopean Union – constitution, single currency and all?”

But, to be fair, European politics is rarely interesting, so spicing it up with a bit of humour is pretty vital – even if said humour consists largely of mild xenophobia tinged with a belligerent, quasi-militaristic nostalgia for the “finest hour”. We ought to forgive our anti-EU friends for a) having to recycle the same jokes over and over again, and b) being so stereotypical in their attitudes towards France (Heffer even does a grandiose version of “love the country, hate the people” in his column).

Still, Heffer’s basic contention is not the same as Richard North’s, that these frogs are all alike, but instead a broader variation – Royal is a politician, and all politicians are alike:

“Rather like our own leader of the opposition, Mme Royal has come far on image, the manipulativeness of the public relations game, and an almost complete absence of policy. These things will not necessarily prevent her from becoming president of a troubled, confused and increasingly angry country that knows it is underachieving and wants ‘change’. Regrettably, she doesn’t offer it.”

Now, of course, you may think that’s fair – a politician without any policies sounds a tad off, after all. Only Heffer then goes on to list some of the – decidedly, deliberately populist – policies Royal announced during her campaign (largely to undermine the far right populism of Jean Marie Le Pen): “national service for young delinquents, longer working hours for teachers, a new policy towards Iran and nuclear weapons, and various other absurdities” (emphasis mine). He follows that up by revealing the announcement last week that Royal will stick to “orthodox socialist policies” (which he then – naturally – interprets as “high taxation, vast public sector, dirigisme, total absence of meaningful economic reform, and the concomitants of high unemployment, minimal growth and sporadic social unrest”). In other words, erm… she has quite a few policies, then?

So far, so predictable. Accuse a politician of being a politician, then attack them for having no policies, then fail to present any evidence for your claims – just like any number of lazy bloggers (myself frequently included) who’ve failed to do sufficient research and so decide to transpose generalised political arguments and prejudices to a fresh subject for a merely cosmetic change.

But wait, this is one of the country’s best-known columnists – there must be more to it than that. Where’s his deeper analysis of Royal?

Oh no, hang on a tick – he then shifts to her likely opponent, the semi-centrist right-winger Nicholas Sarkozy, for whom Heffer (naturally, I suppose) seems to have more time. Perhaps his dismissal of Royal is thanks to Sarkozy’s infinitely better policy programme?

“[Sarkozy] published his personal manifesto last summer, and there was much in it to commend him.”

But wait:

“He wants economic reform of a radical nature, he wants France to end its stand-off with the Anglo-Saxon world, he wants what he calls a ‘rupture’ with the recent past and all its failures… if M Sarkozy is elected and tries to implement even half of what he has promised, expect barricades, fighting in the banlieues, strikes and other challenges to his authority”

So, in other words, Sarkozy also only has a very general set of vague policy ideas at this stage (which sound very similar to Royal’s), and he too is likely to plunge France into chaos and crisis if elected?

So where’s the killer fact which Heffer is going to pull out of the bag to show that his “Royal is crap” thesis holds any water?

But by now we see the heart of the matter. Heffer knows about as much about French domestic politics as anyone else who skimmed the halfway decent article on the situation in this week’s Sunday Times.

Seeing that he’s nearing the word count, we are then treated to a brief – and largely irrelevant – overview about how it’s impossible to predict the mind of the French voter because (some of them) voted for Le Pen in the last presidential elections, and the “Non” vote won the EU constitution referendum last year. Both of which were predicted by commentators with, erm, actual knowledge of the French system – much like Royal’s victory in the socialist primaries was last week.

And then it’s back to why Sarkozy will win (even though the latest polls put him and Royal neck and neck for the presidency). Now – despite earlier having dismissed Royal for her manipulation of “the public relations game” – Heffer contends that “M Sarkozy is the less vulnerable, because of his command of the media”.

In other words, Heffer’s entire analysis is based on minimal knowledge capped off with self-contradiction. Simon Heffer, ladies and gentlemen, is a blogger.

“Blogger” – according to large chunks of the press – means unprofessional, unconscientious, and not held up to the same standards as proper journalists. It is, in other words, pretty much always interchangable with “columnist”. As such, “Blogger” is a term of abuse I think we should all start applying to shoddy journalists, re-appropriating the the term after all the negative connotations which some in the media have tried to apply to it. After his column today, I nominate Heffer as our first big-name “Blogger” – any more for any more?

(By the by, if you want some decent, knowledgable analysis about Royal and the French presidential campaign, the Telegraph’s rather good Europe Correspondent David Rennie is doing a fine job – entertainingly enough, on his blog.)

November 21, 2006
by Nosemonkey
3 Comments

Europragmaticsm – a sensible EU approach from an unlikely source…

Yes kids, that’s right! It’s the most exciting day of the year – EU budget day! Weeeeeeeeeee!

If you really, really must, EU Politix have a nice (mercifully short) summary of the usual potential issues – notably the spat between the European Parliament and the European Commission over budget cuts, staffing levels and the like.

It’s all same old, same old – only the EP does, at least, finally seem to be acting a tad more like the scrutinising body it should be. (Even if scores of MEPs do still rip us all off with their extortionate expenses and fraudulent “attendance” claims… But shush about that…)

However, moderately interesting (considering it was a speech by someone from the Treasury to a group of Accountants – the after-talk party must have been wild…) EU budget-related news came yesterday, via Gordon Brown’s mouthpiece, the Economic Secretary to the Treasury Ed Balls – who has been his master’s voice on EU matters before.

The Guardian covered this briefly yesterday, before the speech had been delivered – and the always quick-off-the-mark Richard North of EU Referendum was quick to have a chuckle at the “Europhile” Grauniad’s expense for their confusion about whether Brown/Balls are pro- or anti-EU.

Because, of course, there’s no possibility of breaking the dichotomy of attitudes to the EU – you’re either in favour of absolutely everything the EU does and stands for or you’re utterly opposed to the whole institution, and there’s no room for a more subtle, relatively impartial approach. Which is why passing EU-sceptics have accused me of being Europhile, and passing pro-EU types have labelled me as Eurosceptic. (More on this later…)

What is moderately surprising, however, is that there appears to have been no follow-up to Ball’s excitingly-titled Speech to the Annual Conference of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of England and Wales, or what implications this and his previous EU statements may have for a Brown premiership’s attitude towards Brussels.

Balls’ statement that “if the EU Budget is to inspire tax-payer confidence, there is more to be done. We need the highest levels of scrutiny and the most rigorous lines of accountability” is obviously spot on. For twelve years, the budget has been criticised by the European Court of Auditors for not being even half accounted for – last year, two thirds was spent on God alone knows what. It gives the anti-EU types all kinds of ammunition, and precisely bugger all for those who want to point to the benefits of the EU. Because, after all, how can you say “the EU did this” if you haven’t got any real proof that it was EU money that paid for it?

Balls also mentions the House of Lords European Union Committee’s report Financial Management and Fraud in the European Union: Perceptions, Facts and Proposals, which looks to be well worth more careful study (as per usual, the House of Lords proving its worth by doing a far better job of keeping tabs on what the EU’s up to than any MP).

The House of Lords report underlines once again where the EU’s budgetary problems lie: not in Brussels with the bureaucrats, as many assume, but in the individual member states:

“some 85% of all spending was and still is carried out by Member State agencies, rather than by the central European Institutions themselves… the European Parliament’s Committee on Budgetary Control has long asked for a “breakdown of the Member States or of the different areas like agriculture [or] structural funds” …We support calls for the European Court of Auditors to produce a list of those Member States demonstrating poor management of European funds. We consider that such a list would encourage all Member State governments to take this issue seriously. Such a list should only be produced on the basis of accurate data and so will require the development of a sound basis for payment transaction sampling.”

Now, it seems, the Treasury is following the Lords’ lead – and also seemingly attempting to lead the EU by example, Balls stating in his speech that

“because we are determined that the UK should take the lead in demonstrating how EU funds can be managed to the highest standards, I am today announcing proposals to enhance national-level auditing of EU expenditure in the UK… Following detailed discussions with the National Audit Office and Parliamentary colleagues, the Government intends to lay before Parliament an annual consolidated statement on the UK’s implementation of EU spending, prepared to international accounting standards, and audited by the National Audit Office”

In other words, for the first time since joining the EEC/EU three decades ago, the UK will be able to see a more accurate picture of just what the financial cost/benefit is. Or, at least, when it comes to public funds – as it will remain utterly impossible by their very nature to see the wider costs and benefits of EU membership in terms of investment, business and the like.

What this will in turn do is enable anti-EU types to find countless examples of what they consider to be wasteful EU spending (heaven forbid that there should be an EU-funded lesbian single mothers theatre group of the kind always targeted by the Daily Mail when it comes to Lottery funding…) – hell, they could even attack the additional expenditure that producing such a detailed audit will require – while pro-EU types will finally have some definite figures to use in counter-arguments when asked “what’s the EU ever done for us?”

And then, should our fellow member states see fit to follow suit, who knows? We may even, as a continent, be able to get a better idea of just what we’re spending money on when it comes to the EU – and so finally be able to tell if it really is worth all the fuss and bother.

There’s a lot more in Balls’ speech that is of note – and potentially promising for a more pragmatic approach to the EU than we have really seen from any Prime Minister (assuming Brown gets it) in a long time. If Gordon can team up with France’s potential next President, the seemingly equally pragmatic S�gol�ne Royal, and Eu-hesitant German Chancellor Angela Merkel, then statements like this from Balls could well lead us to a much better future:

“the EU should act only where there are clear additional benefits from collective efforts compared to action solely by individual Member States – rather than ‘more EU’ for the sake of it. That is what a hard-headed pro-Europeanism, based squarely on advancing both our national interest and the EU public interest, demands.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, pretty much sums up my attitude towards the European Union. Balls’ statements in paragraphs 50-59 of that speech, if they lay out the Prime Minister Brown approach to the EU, show a genuinely sensible attitude towards the whole institution.

If they get anywhere near succeeding, who knows – we might finally be able to supplement the tired and frequently inaccurate binary labels of “Eurosceptic” and “Europhile” with the long-overdue “Europragmatic”. That’s what I’d label myself – and I have no doubt that there are many more out there who would feel similarly, put off by both the federalists and the withrawalists.

To date, there has been no one at a sufficiently senior level willing to fight for that little bit more subtlety and flexibility within the EU that could – just could – see it adapt enough to maintain its survival. With the imminent departure of both Blair and Chirac, following the loss of Schr�der, the EU-3 could – just could – finally in 2007 have the kind of pragmatic leadership required to drive through the genuine reforms that, 50 years after the union’s birth, are long, long overdue. The Merkel/Brown/Royal threesome (yuk – sorry, bad mental image) could well be just what the EU needs.

November 19, 2006
by Nosemonkey
2 Comments

Olympics overspend redux

Two years ago, a semi-anonymous blogger was telling them that the 2012 Olympics were likely (not including infrastructure development and PR) to cost around £4.7 billion, rather than the initial estimate of £2.3 billion. Now they’re estimating £5 billion – though with some warning that could rise again to as much as £9 billion once they’ve finally worked out how to do basic arithmetic.For a bit of perspective, that’s the cost of about three Iraq wars (figure), or 300 new hospitals (figure). All for two weeks of people in short shorts running around in circles and throwing things. Top stuff… Nice to see this country’s priorities in the right place.

November 18, 2006
by Nosemonkey
3 Comments

John Reid: my own little lovepuppy

I know I promised a return to quality on this place, but this is going to be more like Popbitch. Sorry…

Politico spot: John Reid coming out of the Cavendish Square exit of the Oxford Street branch of John Lewis c.4pm this afternoon, arm in arm with a brunette in her thirties. Was this his daughter, or is he following the precedent of his predecessor (but one) as Home Secretary and getting an inappropriate bit on the side?

Ha! Take that, Guido! I can do unsubstantiated rumour as well as the next man – and this isn’t even “recycled Westminster gossip” (copyright David Miliband), but my own, all-original gossip, made from 100% never-before-used scarce natural resources and destined for a landfill near you early next year to be pecked at by seagulls (until they get bored, which seagulls are often wont to do, the demanding brutes) before its excavation in a couple of millennia by confused-looking simian archaeologists from a post-apocalypic world which even a rag-wearing Charlton Heston can do nothing to save.

Like the intrepid reporter I am, I would have asked about the precise nature of his relationship with his much younger female companion but, having caught his eye and been glared at until I felt my very soul begin to wither, I noticed the presence of his two eight-foot bodyguards and thought rather better of it.

Before I knew it he had disappeared into his gleaming ministerial Jaguar, left with the engine running outside Cafe Nero on Old Cavendish Street in a flagrant violation of our dear PM Tony Cameron’s latest green wheeze, and sped off, his minders in tow in a battered old estate. Not literally in tow, though, that would make the subtlety of an unmarked escort vanish rather rapidly. Not that it was an Escort, mind – I think it was probably a Vauxhall Astra, but know nothing about cars, so can’t be certain…

They continued to glare at me through the windows as they went past. Did they recognise the internet’s very own Nosemonkey from my MI5 file (which almost certainly exists if they’re serious about keeping track of potential dissidents), are Reid and his burly cronies simply sociopaths who despise the mere public nearly as much as the eeeevil terrorists hate our decadent western freedom and democracy, or is the Home Secretary’s passion destined not for his charming ladyfriend, but for the scruffy, hungover bloke who was gazing at him from a street corner while smoking a yellowed roll-up with trembling hand?

It could just work – I can be Walter Matthau, staying up late, drinking, having fun; my little Johnny (and he really is little, like a wee Scots Napoleon – only without the sense of style) will be Jack Lemmon, tidying up my mess, making a fuss, then locking me up indefinitely in Belmarsh before deportation for a quick spot of viciously unrelenting torture gentle interrogation in a Libyan re-education facility that somehow doesn’t appear on any maps.

Pug-faced bald authoritarian John Reid and “Internet Website Master” Nosemonkey (copyright BBC London News) – a match made in heaven.

November 16, 2006
by Nosemonkey
2 Comments

The French Presidential race – a quick summary

France’s next president could be decided today as the Socialists vote in a three-way primary for their candidate to take on Chirac’s expected conservative successor, Nicholas Sarkozy.

The front-runner for the socialists (on 49% – via) is currently thought to be Segolene Royal – who would become France’s first female president if she gets all the way to the top – although being a bit of a moderate there is the possibility that the extreme left of the party may launch a last-minute counter-offensive to avoid the risk of having a female Blair in charge.

If Royal doesn’t get the nomination today thanks to left-wing stubbornness (remember the last Presidential election, when the socialists were beaten to the final round by Jean Marie Le Pen’s fascists, giving the washed-up Chirac a free run to another term?), then Sarkozy is a shoe-in. Assuming, of course, that barking idiot Chirac doesn’t decide to go for a third term in office.

Still, if she does win the nomination, according to the latest polls she’d be in by far the best position to take on Sarkozy, steadily gaining ground on him over the last couple of months. The two most likely candidates are currently neck and neck – meaning that the run-up to the election itself at the end of April is likely to be an intriguing one. Whoever wins, it should mark a major shift in the make up of European politics.

Time to start getting to grips with the issues, methinks… Anyone know of any good English language sites on French domestic politics?

November 15, 2006
by Nosemonkey
3 Comments

ID and unemployment

State Opening of Parliament today – a good day to bury bad news, so keep your eyes peeled.Already, we have: UK unemployment at seven year high – see the Office for National Statistics for the full report.

Oh, there was also a handy “web chat” with the civil servant in charge of ID cards published late last night on the 10 Downing Street site. Lots of quality astroturfing, plus the priceless gem:

“ID Cards will reduce the threat of the Surveillance Society and help safeguard civil liberties”

Keep an eye on The Government Says today, chaps…

Update: Talking of ID Cards – sign this. (via)

November 14, 2006
by Nosemonkey
Comments Off on European Parliament welcomes the puns

European Parliament welcomes the puns

According to today’s EU Politix press review, it is looking increasingly likely that the next president of the European Parliament will be the centre-right EPP group’s leader.

(Yep, that’s the same group that David Cameron promised the tories he’d pull out of. At some point. Even though practically none of the Tories’ MEPs want to leave it because it’s huge and gives them leverage to affect EU politics.)

Thanks to the EPP’s success in promoting their boy, the headlines about any prevarication or lack of progress on any issues whatsoever in the European Parliament are going to get very tedious over the 30 months he’s likely to be in office. For why? His name: Hans-Gert Pottering.

In other words, we can expect umpteen headline variations on the likes of “European Parliament Pottering Around Aimlessly” and “Harry Pottering and the International Trade Dispute of Fire” over the next couple of years.

What japes, eh? Foreigners having funny names that sound like English words that mean other things and stuff – hilarious…

(Sorry – I promised that I’d stop doing stupid posts on here, didn’t I?)