Via this bastard, and because I haven’t posted in a couple of days, a meme – eight random things about me. Rather than being random, however, I’ve decided to make it a celebrity special. So there.

1) I once got told off by the blond one out of Birds of a Feather for chatting up her daughter, who was apparently then seven years my junior, and decidedly illegal.

2) I once stood next to Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame while at a urinal, and I’m pretty certain he thought I was checking out his equipment. (His phaser was not set to stun…)

3) Again urinal-related – I once approached Barry Norman in a gents to ask him a favour. He thought I was coming on to him. (And looked vaguely flattered…)

4) I’ve seen Bob Dylan play live while stoned out of my skull – the ultimate 60s experience. He was shit.

5) I went to both school and university with Chris Martin of Coldpay fame. He – despite the fact that everyone seems to hate him – is an alright bloke. His brother, on the other hand…

6) I once deliberately tried to cripple* Jeremy Irons‘ son while his dad was watching. (It was the year he’d tried to kill John McClane – what do you expect?

7) Christopher Lee once asked me to do him a favour, because he was trying to get a job on a film and reckoned I might be able to help him out.

8) I was once bought a Banana Dachary by John Simm of Doctor Who fame while getting pissed up in a gay bar with the cast of Queer as Folk. And I’m not gay. Well, maybe a bit…**

And a bonus one, just because I’m feeling nice: Patrick Stewart once told me, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off.***

* Note to Mr Policeman – not really, just to hurt a bit. Honest.
** Where IS that a quote from? I always forget…
*** Despite this and the Commander Riker cock-viewing experience, I am not a Trekkie. Honest.