Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

August 29, 2005
by Nosemonkey
10 Comments

A year of geekery

On 29th August 2004 I relaunched this site, and have somehow managed to keep it updated fairly regularly ever since. So, time for a bit of back-slapping, some highlights and stuff, methinks:

When I started regular updates a year ago, the site was getting about 10-20 unique visitors a day. Thanks to a few plugs from Tim at Bloggerheads (a b3ta buddy), like the launch plug he did on August 31st (ta, boss!), it was up to about 30-50 a day by the time I installed a decent visitor counter in mid September, and first broke the 100 visitors in a day mark on September 23rd. By the start of November it had made it through to the final round in the Deutsche Welle International Weblog Awards 2004, which was nice (if, frankly, a tad silly considering how long it had been going at that stage).

Over the year, Europhobia has received in the region of 145,000 unique visitors and 250,000 page loads – the most in one day being thanks to the liveblog of the 7th July 2005 terrorist attacks, which was linked to by pretty much everyone. On July 7th alone, there were 28,500 unique visitors, around 28 times the site’s previous high.

But statistics are boring. Have some highlights instead:

The blog first really came to prominence with the Orange Revolution in Ukraine. I started posting about it here (check the Ukraine section in the right hand column for more), knowing tit all about Ukraine or what was going on, posting on little more than a vague feeling that something major was going to kick off. Four days later the mainstream media twigged it as well. In the meantime I’d got my first Instapundit spike, had my first liveblogging experience, and seen for myself how blogs can both raise awareness and create links around the world as I helped relay info direct from contacts who had suddenly materialised in Kiev. A very odd experience, but well worthwhile – I think that’s probably when the bug really got me for the first time.

Then there’s the less serious side of blogging, nicely evidenced by the first Robert Kilroy-Silk: Twat post, with more Kilroy hatred here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here (not to mention the piss-take, sort of satirical Stop Veritas blog I set up before this year’s elections, which ended up even more insane than I originally intended it to be thanks to a bunch of maniacs in the comments – top stuff…)

Other than that, a few posts I’ve been chuffed with are in the “Best of” section to the right – the booze and insomnia-addled General Election Liveblog being one of my favourites after the silliness of the campaign (which I also helped cover on the General Election 05 blog, for those who don’t know), while this post on why blogging is shit still keeps getting quoted around the place – and may be worth reading if you’re thinking of taking up this particularly addictive hobby.

Anyway, this is getting tedious. It’s now on to Europhobia Year 2 (even if I did technically start this thing in March 2003) – and hopefully soon some cunt newspaper will offer me insane amounts of cash to come and work for them. (Hint sodding hint, all you journo types who read this…) Despite a few intriguing offers (to take part in a panel discussion on CNN, be interviewed by the BBC, write an article for the Guardian etc.) as of yet I have not managed to capitalise on this bloody thing at all. It annoys me, damn it. Pay me cash, you bastards – or at least give me some freelance work (with realistic deadlines this time, ta very much…)

Oh well, there’s always this coming Thursday’s thank-you piss-up for ambulance workers thanks to donations I’ve managed to collect through the blog since 7th July. So I guess I’ve achieved something, at least, even if it is getting a few people drunk for free. Hopefully there’s also been a bit of entertainment along the way – and I know I’ve learned a shit-load more about all kinds of stuff than I would have done without this thing.

It may be intensely frustrating sometimes, it may be far more time-consuming than you ever plan, it may end up taking over your life if you’re not careful, but it’s worthwhile, this blogging lark, even if you don’t get any dough out of it. Give it a pop, let me know and I’ll try and give you a plug.

August 28, 2005
by Nosemonkey
5 Comments

Germany – T minus 21 and counting

It’s really about time we started paying more attention to what’s going on in Germany. On Thursday Germany’s Federal Constitutional Court gave the final go-ahead for the elections on September 18th following a legal challenge to Chancellor Gerhard Schr�der’s call for a snap election back in July. It’s all go.

Naturally enough, the main thrust of the German election campaign is going to be domestic. Despite recent rumours of a planned terrorist attack in Hamburg, security fears in the run-up to next year’s Germany-based football World Cup, and on-going attempts to gain a seat on the UN’s security council, the main concern for Germany remains the five million unemployed and the perennial problem of how to kick-start the east German economy, still largely stagnant more than a decade after reunification.

For most outside observers, there is little to really excite or interest in German economic arguments (I expect a rebuke from Tim Worstall any moment now…) as, although a few of the proposals could tangentially impact on EU-wide policy, most of it is the usual bickering about localised tactics and requires a far greater level of in-depth knowledge of Germany than most outsiders would wish to posess.

Nonetheless, behind the scenes and between the lines, a few hints about foreign policy can be gleaned – and what has come out so far seems to suggest that, should Schr�der be booted out, there could be a radical shift in Germany’s relations with the world.

Don’t think it matters? Well, remember that Iraq war business? France and Germany closely locked together in opposition, creating all kinds of trouble for Bush and Blair? Remember all those little spats in the EU of the last few years with France throwing a hissy fit, but getting away with it because Germany backed her up? In recent years a lot of that has been down to the close alliance of Schr�der/Chirac. In terms of most foreign policy they’ve been pretty much joined at the hip.

If Schr�der goes, the whole dynamic of the EU’s big three will – instantly – massively have altered, creating the potential for the deliberate isolation of France and a genuine drive for the kind of radical reform for which the European Union has a sore need. If Tony Blair can cozy up to a new German leadership, replacing Chirac as Berlin’s bumchum, then the grandly empty rhetoric about EU reform he started spouting when the UK took over the EU presidency might actually end up with some possibility of becoming less a load of meaningless, unrealistic drivel.

A new German leadership and attitude to the outside world could also isolate Jaques Chirac still further both in Europe and at home, making his already near-certain political demise that much more guaranteed. At the same time, this would demonstrate to his successor in the French presidency (likely in 2007) that the EU game has finally begun to shift away from France’s favour – half a century after the Treaty of Rome gave Paris a wonderfully privileged position, there might finally be a chance to introduce a bit more equality to the EU.

Think this is all wishful thinking? Quite possibly. But Angela Merkel‘s Christian Democratic Union/Christian Social Union alliance, who have the best chance of unseating Schr�der’s Social Democrats, have already clearly stated their aims to improve relations with the United States and to expand Germany’s intra-EU dialogue to include rather more countries than merely France. It looks promising, at least.

In terms of specific external relations, Merkel has hinted that she favours broad reform of the Common Agricultural Policy, placing her closer to the likes of Britain and the new eastern European EU states – in particular Poland, the accession state by far the most likely to radically alter intra-EU relations in the long run thanks to its size, population and economic potential.

Merkel’s lot also have plans to drastically cut the number of immigrants Germany accepts, increase (highly controversially, given the country’s past) the role of the German military in counter-terrorism operations, and introduce a wider range of centralised digital resources which could well lead to German support for an EU-wide biometric ID system along the lines of that being proposed by Tony Blair and co.

So, rather than an anti-war, pro-France Chancellor whose main response to the (frankly fairly insignificant) terrorist threat to Germany has been to propose introducing classes on Islam in schools to cut down on demonisation and misunderstanding, we could end up with a more hawkish, internationalist one with aspirations to cozy up to Bush. Bearing in mind that Germany – despite the unemployment issues – still has the 5th largest GDP in the world, this could mark a major change on the world scene, the potential significance of such a shift should not be underestimated.

Still, having said that, Merkel’s apparent early lead has been drastically cut, and the elections now seem too close to call. (She’s even cynically started jumping on the anti-Turkish EU membership bandwaggon in an apparent attempt to immitate the Tories’ recent appeals to latent racism dressed up as economic concern.) We could yet be stuck with Schr�der for a while, and see a continuation of the Franco-German stalling of much-needed EU reform. But while another term for Schr�der is a nightmare from a pro-EU perspective, having the more authoritarian, right-wing and pro-America Merkel in charge could be equally nightmarish for the anti-war/pro-civil liberties crowds. Not only too close to call, but also too tricky to work out who’d be best for both Britain and the world.

So, worth keeping an eye on. Good places to start include Der Spiegel’s election site, Deutsche Welle’s election site, Sign and Sight’s election special, Wikipedia (as always) and the blogs Bildt Comments and Ostracised from �sterreich. If anyone knows of any other good, regularly-updated English language blogs with good coverage of German politics , I’d be grateful for a heads-up – most of the ones I used to check seem to have died…

Update: Over the weekend new polls in Germany seem to suggest that, after Merkel’s early lead and Schr�der’s recent resurgence, Merkel is comfortably back in front by a margin of around 13% – the CDU/CSU on 43%, the SPD on just 30%. Can these figures be trusted? There’s still three weeks to go – anything could happen…

August 26, 2005
by Nosemonkey
4 Comments

Nothing changes, I see

After a couple of weeks in sunnier climes – stuffing myself on steak, sushi and overly fizzy beer – I return to find it’s business as usual:

Charles Clarke is still planning on acting illegally, there are still questions which may never be answered about the Stockwell shooting which seems to be getting more unjustified by the day, and there’s still a spat over the 21st July bomb suspect held in Italy.

Elsewhere the US is continuing its attempts to undermine the UN, with Bush’s appointee John Bolton trying to get the organisation to spend less time trying to alleviate poverty and scrap plans for rich nations to spend 0.7% of their national income on helping the poorest countries (the US currently gives 0.2%).

Over in Iraq, everything looks set to go tits up again, in Iran there’s still no progress over their nuclear programme, while Africa’s still screwed and, following dickwad preacher Pat Robertson’s calls for the assassination of a democratically-elected leader the US doesn’t like, a dictator the US does like is about to execute people who allegedly wanted to assassinate him.

In all, nothing’s changed in the slightest. Even the cricket’s continuing in much the same vein, with England doing well but not well enough to be uncatchable. I should go on holiday more often.

August 25, 2005
by Nosemonkey
4 Comments

Remember that London bombing business?

Well the piss-up I was trying to organise for London’s emergency service workers is a go. It will be taking place on the evening of Thursday September 1st (8 weeks to the day after the first attacks) not far from Edgeware Road tube where, of course, one of the devices was detonated. It will be attended by volunteers from the St John Ambulance service who attended the scenes on 7th July, as well as (hopefully) reporters from both the BBC and The Times. Full report, no doubt, here on the 2nd.

August 25, 2005
by Nosemonkey
1 Comment

Back

12 hours of being trapped in a window seat behind the biggest man in the world with his seat all the way back making reading (or, indeed, moving) impossible; knees contorted beyond belief; forced to watch a double bill of Monster in Law and Miss Congeniality 2 and then an Ice Cube kid flick inexplicably dubbed into Portugese with unreadable, bright yellow English subtitles; a flight staff unwilling or unable to provide anything in the way of liquid refreshment – not even water, and certainly not alcohol – not to mention the inevitable lack of cigarettes and the stupid woman in the row behind who started screaming at every slight rock of the plane, I am understandably in no fit state to say much about anything. Other than don’t bother with the cheap flight option if you’re going transatlantic. It’s really, really not worth it…

Tomorrow I shall try and catch up on what I’ve missed (Mo Mowlam, the rampant amateurism of the Metropolitan “off for a” Pissolice etc. etc.), as Canadian newspapers and television news – as I previously suspected but now know for a fact – are utter, utter shite. Now, however, I’m off for a pint of proper bitter, then the sleep of the dead. Followed by getting up at seven tomorrow for a five mile cycle into work. Joy…

Oh, and another thing – can any web expert type person tell me why the pissing fuck these BlogAd things seem to be shifting position all the sodding time? They get me money, so I’m a tad loath to get rid of the bastards, but if they’re going to fuck up the limited formatting this site’s built over the last year (1 year anniversary of regular postage on Sunday – woo!) then I may have to scrap the buggers, which would be irritating.

August 18, 2005
by Nosemonkey
6 Comments

Quick missive from the colonies*

Canada seems pleasant. Almost suspiciously so… Everyone’s polite. And it’s sunny. And despite being far too cold, the beer’s rather pleasing. And the food’s great.

In fact, so far Vancouver appears to be everything that London so often pretends to be – cosmopolitan, happily multiracial/multicultural with none of the attendant fears of the other, and with what appears to be a ridiculously low crime rate – worts I’ve witnessed so far was a fight between an Alsatian and a Pug. (Well, a savaging might be more acurate – the poor little bugger got tossed around like the proverbial wotsit thing).

Anyway, Nosemonkey’s official verdict – Canada’s OK. Now I’m off to get a massive coffee and look at mountains before heading off to a wedding this evening. Ta-ta all.

* Yes, I am aware that Canada is actually one of Her Majesty’s dominions. Not happy about her only being on the $20 bill though… She should be on ALL the money, damn it.

August 13, 2005
by Nosemonkey
5 Comments

The one, the only… Hitler kitten!

I’m off to sample the delights of British Columbia on my first proper overseas holiday in about 18 months to climb mountains, swim in the Pacific and drink huge quantities of Canadian beer – back around the 26th.

In the meantime, have some pictures of my mate’s new kitten like wot bears an uncanny resemblance to Adolf Hitler:

And some slightly less sinister ones:

Isn’t Hitler cute?

August 12, 2005
by Nosemonkey
8 Comments

Yvonne Ridley: traitor or just a silly bint?

Hard to tell in the present circumstances. Either way, using an explicitly non-political meeting to commemorate the victims of the London bombings to instead spout a load of over-the-top bullshit about Blair, Israel and the US – including calling for a boycott of Israeli goods because “Every time you make your purchases you are putting bullets in the backs of Palestinian children”, comparing Tony Blair to Pol Pot and then seemingly trying to incite violence by vomiting up crap like “Tony Blair, if you really want war with Islam, bring it on!” has got to put her in the top league of fucking idiots.

Christ – just imagine what would happen if her and Galloway had kids together…

You see, it’s people like Ridley who discredit all opposition to the latest half-arsed anti-terror measures. People like Ridley who stir up trouble between Muslims and the rest of us. If some radical Imam shot his mouth off with this rabid, foaming at the mouth rubbish, he can be dismissed fairly easily as simply being an extremist. But when a white woman – or a Scot with a ‘tache – start off on this kind of rhetoric, it lends far more “justification” to the cause.

So, control orders all round?

Update: Having just slagged off Gorgeous George, it’s only fair to acknowledge that at his most recent opportunity to spout off he resisted the urge to go utterly mental. You may disagree with his take, but unlike Ridley he kept his rhetoric in check. His last point in particular is hard to disagree with (although I will concede that his first could be interpreted in a number of different ways, not all of them commendable, and that this was likely deliberate…):

“It is a crime, a sin in any language, in any religion, to punish innocent people for the cause of the guilty people.

“The guilty men are not travelling on buses or on the London Underground. If you bomb people, some of them will want to bomb you back, it is obvious.

“We will not be silenced. The country has to change course and it will not change course so long as Blair remains at number 10 Downing Street.”

August 12, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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Got m4d w3b 5k177z? Want to help democracy and stuff? Go lend your services to Tim Ireland with The Political Weblog Project. More info here:

“I want to get more elected officials blogging properly. I want to do this by offering them a full blogging package at rate they can afford… on pretty much the sole condition that they use it properly… So, if you can design, build, code and/or host a weblog and think this is a good idea, I’d like you to get in touch: manic AT bloggerheads DOT com”

Don’t forget, this is the guy who got Boris Johnson blogging. He’s got a good track record with this stuff, and his committment can’t be doubted. If you can help, do.

August 11, 2005
by Nosemonkey
5 Comments

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Another group to be added to the “potential terrorists to be scared of” list: (apparently) white Americans with no prior connection to any extremist groups.

Right, so that’s anyone in traditional Muslim dress, Arabs, Pakistanis, Jamaicans, East Africans, people with dark hair or skin carrying bags, people with dark hair or skin wearing large coats, Brazilians, woman, children, Chinese men with cancer, white Americans, and anyone who could be mistaken for any of the above.

That’ll make getting to work without shitting ourselves nice and easy…