Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

Foreigners smell!

It’s official:

The Met Office’s Sarah Holland said: “Basically, over the last few days, we’ve had fresh, strong winds from an easterly direction. As a result some of our air is coming from continental Europe.”

…Helen Chivers of the Met Office said the origin of the smell had been narrowed down to the area of Europe roughly bordered by Holland, Germany and Belgium.

Ah, centuries of English xenophobia confirmed through one slightly pongy morning. London smells of manure? It’s those smelly Johnny Foreigners over the Channel! they never wash, you know. They sleep with their livestock, and use manure as perfume. And look like monkeys.

I shall be writing to my MP demanding that we leave the EU forthwith.


  1. This is weird has anyone found out what is causing the smell in the first place?

  2. Yes – filthy stinking foreigners. Obviously.

  3. As one of those smelly foreigners, let me draw your attention to another thing Sarah Holland said:

    “Normally, our winds are westerly, coming off the Atlantic Ocean.”

    Well exactly, and for us here on the continent (the Netherlands to be precise) our winds normally come from the west as well – from Britain – with British stench! Honestly, do you Brits take a shower just once a month or something? Yuk! Anyway, now you finally get from us what we usually get from you!

    Just kidding of course, though I do wonder why they had to label this ‘Euro-whiff’. Are they trying to score some cheap points with the eurocynics * ?

    Anyway, I’ll be off now, it’s time for my annual bath! Yippee!!!

    * I have always felt that the term ‘euroscepticism’ is a misnomer for the kind of random EU-bashing from most of the UK press (all too often including the BBC) and some UK political parties. ‘Eurocynicism’ is much more appropriate, methinks…

  4. I was in London when the tunnel-digging teams from Britain and France met at last, under the Channel, some 15 or 16 years ago.

    I remember tabloid headlines: “Britain no more an island/ Linked to the Continent by undersea tunnel/ We can already smell garlic”.

    That said, the Undrground air did not smell of roses. I was left wondering what do wallpapered bathrooms are good for; certainly not for showering (tiles could do much better).