Let’s get this out of the way sharpish. Via Not Saussure, ten things I’ll never do:
10) Slap a nun with a haddock
9) Travel faster than the speed of light
8) Shag Jean Arthur (damnit…)
7) Swim the Sea of Tranquility
5) Eat Brian Blessed
4) Kill a man using nothing but a single baked bean and a rolled-up copy of the Tablet (though I would consider it with the Church of England Newspaper)
3) Staple a monkey to a tree
2) Staple an elephant to a tree (although, to be fair, largely only for logistical reasons)
1) Join a political party