The latest Labour email missive is particularly irritating, even by their usual smug, scare-mongering standards (link to follow, when I find it).

“if we don’t get our voters to the polls on 5 May, we will have a Tory government in just two weeks’ time. Simple as that. Four years of Prime Minister Michael Howard on the telly every night and the evening news having to have an 18 certificate.”

Like the news shouldn’t have had an 18 certificate for the last couple of years, with the mutilated bodies of dead Iraqis and coalition soldiers every night? With images of naked Iraqis being forced to simulate sexual acts? How the hell are the Tories going to up the stakes? And as far as I’m concerned, Howard would be just as much of an embarrassment as Blair. I want neither of them.

“At this election it will be harder to get our supporters to the polls and we may well have less people with which to do it.”

Perhaps you should take this as an indication that Labour’s doing something wrong?

Then comes a call for volunteers on election day:

“what are you realistically going to achieve by going into work on 5 May?”

Erm… Did Gordon Brown approve this suggestion? Somehow I doubt it…

“Imagine the satisfaction from discovering that a retired mini-cab driver wanted a lift to the polling station, saying ‘yeah, the car’s on its way’ and then making him wait two hours.”

Yep, taking the piss out of OAPs. That’s a brilliant vote-winner, considering that they’re the age group most likely to bother. What a tit.

“One day away from the office or four years of Michael Howard in office – surely it’s no contest.”

So, one day away from the office campaigning for Labour, or four years of a Tory government which promises to lower taxes as opposed to a Labour government which certainly will raise. Yep. No contest.

They really are going all-out to get us to vote for anyone but Labour, aren’t they?

(Edited to make final paragraph make sense. Finally. Blogger being a dick. Sorry.)