God, Chirac’s a card. The wit, the hilarity! No wonder the guy’s such a dismal failure if his sense of humour’s that bad. British people, erm – bad food and stuff, oui?

Knobber.

The thing is, this is not the diplomatic incident that some have tried to make it out to be. It’s little more than an(other) indication that France is being led by a twat.

These were not “witty” comments directed at the press in a kind of knowing “ha ha – we’re having a fight with Britain” way. If they were they’d have been a bit crap, but typical of the sort of faux-jocular nonsense politicians seem to come up with on such occasions (witness our Tony’s “five times a night” claims and shoddy attempts to play the guitar for the cameras). They were instead GENUINE bon mots delivered and secretly recorded during an informal dinner with Gerhard Schroeder and Vladimir Putin. Poor bastards.

Jaques Chirac: unoriginal, unfunny, and my new person I’d least like to sit next to at a dinner party. That kind of piss-poor dialogue wouldn’t make it past the script editors on Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (note to the uninitiated – the single shittest sitcom I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness, and I’ve seen Blossom…)

And we thought the Germans were meant to have no sense of humour. (See what I did there?)