Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

June 18, 2005
by Nosemonkey
2 Comments

Is there a crisis? Not yet, there ain’t…

Le Monde seems to think there’s one already and – perhaps unsurprisingly – thinks it’s all Tony’s fault. The New York Times seems to be rather more anti-Chirac.

From that NYT article, Luxembourg’s somewhat hysterical Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker once again resorting to hyperbole and nonsense:

“People will tell you that Europe is not in crisis. It is in a deep crisis.”

I’m afraid, Mr Juncker, that I’m going to be one of those people. After all, considering Britain now has potential allies in this budget battle – the Netherlands, Sweden, Spain and Finland – and the EU can chug by on prior financial agreements for a fair while, the only “crisis” seems to be a difference of opinion. Which I’d say is fairly healthy.

Well, I suppose that some of the hypocritical name-calling reported by the BBC are less so (I’m looking at you, Jacques – “pathetic” and “arrogant” indeed…). And EU Rota‘s reports of more silliness at the summit – including apparent attempts by Juncker to bribe other countries to resist Britain’s demands – are also hardly what you’d expect from a meeting of 25 heads of state. (Hysterical and a crook – a nice way to go down in history there Jean-Claude.)

It would obviously have been nice – and certainly would have been sensible – to come to some agreement over the last couple of days, but the fact that they only set aside such a short period of time would tend to suggest they all knew it would be a fairly pointless exercise from the get-go. As Carl Bildt points out,

“A few months ago, no one really expected even a chance of a deal already at this meeting. And there is ample time before 2007 to take the crucial decisions.”

The only person it’s really a crisis for (beyond the somewhat hysterical Juncker, who knows that his presidency of the EU will now be regarded by history as a failure) is actually Chirac.

As Bildt also notes, Germany will probably go to the polls on 18th September, at which point Chancellor Schr�der will be out on his arse, and Chirac will have lost his best – perhaps only – international buddy. France will almost certainly get increasingly isolated within the EU as Schr�der’s likely replacement, Angela Merkel, has already begun to cosy up to Blair, suggesting one of those occasional shifts in dynamics that international relations occasionally undergo.

Diplomacy is about personalities as much as it is about policies.

Schr�der’s almost certainly gone in three months. Chirac is likely to follow him out of office in 2007, has been unpopular at home and abroad throughout his presidency, and post-referendum is even more of a lame duck than he was before.

Blair – as much as these facts may be distasteful – has just been returned to office with a sizable majority and is best mates with the most powerful man in the world. He may be going at some point too, but unlike Jacques and Gerhard – where the dates are all but set – only Tony knows when Tony goes.

This gives BLair the edge as he could – just about – hang on to power for the best part of the next five years. A terrifying prospect, but a plausible one if that time would enable him to refound the EU and secure himself a place in the history books as “saviour of Europe” rather than “lapdog of Dubya”.

The balance of power is shifting in Britain’s favour, and the argument is gradually falling Britain’s way – because, let’s face it, a British rebate of around �3 billion a year is rather easier to swallow than annual French agricultural subsidies of around �7 billion. The longer this little spat can be drawn out, the worse off France will be, as the more people will start to make direct comparisons. When they do that, they start to see Britain’s point – even if they don’t agree about the rebate, they can see that France’s preferential treatment is outdated and unfair.

Where Britain has been kept on the fringe for decades by a combination of her own and French reluctance for London to have more of a say in the running of the EU, now that whole “Heart of Europe” thing which has been promised for so long has the potential – just – to become reality.

If Blair can hold out until the end of September (no trouble at all, especially with Britain holding the EU presidency), then Chirac’s loss of his German buddy will almost certainly significantly alter the entire EU situation. So it looks like 18th September’s the next date for your Eurospat diaries, folks – that’ll be when the next power-shift should be taking place, and that’s when the crisis (if there is one) will really kick off. Unless, of course, there are any more surprises – and the EU’s getting rather good at those of late…

June 17, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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The BBCLeaders deadlocked on EU budget:

“A deal on the European Union budget looks unlikely after several hours of talks between EU leaders in Brussels failed to bridge differences…

“the summit is growing into a bitter feud about what Europe is for and who should decide its future. Sweden has suggested it may be best to put off any budget decision for a year.

“On Friday morning Mr Chirac said it would not be enough to freeze the British rebate and he wanted to see it scrapped altogether.

“He also said the rebate should ‘under no circumstances be linked to a reform of farm expenditure’…

“while some states sympathise with the UK call for agriculture spending reform, none supports the UK’s rebate remaining in place.”

Chirac is playing hardball. What a cock. But by the looks of things it’ll take a little bit more before the rest of Euope gets pissed off with him enough to start backing Blair. Which, considering Blair’s also a cock, is probably fair enough.

June 17, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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The GuardianBlair wins budget allies as EU summit puts constitution on ice:

“In remarks that will be seized on by Eurosceptics, Mr Juncker insisted that the treaty could not be renegotiated and he suggested that French and Dutch voters had not said no. ‘I really believe the French and Dutch did not vote no to the constitutional treaty,’ he said.”

Nice one, Jean-Claude.

June 17, 2005
by Nosemonkey
10 Comments

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Here’s a prime example of why I drifted away from being Eurosceptic. I mean, who’d want to be associated with someone like this?

This pompous idiot appears as the main pictoral illustration to this article on Der Spiegel’s English language site about the current rebate spat. (Which is actually rather a nice overview, if you haven’t got bored of it already.) But is this how our European cousins really see us? Christ… No wonder they don’t take us seriously in negotiations. This sort of thing really does tend to stop me from having any pride in being British anymore – largely because that kind of ostentatious gloating is entirely against the traditional national character. What a tit. Defending Britain by acting in an entirely un-British manner – and misplacing apostrophes to boot. Nice one.
Update – national identity discussions aplenty at Stumbling and Mumbling.

June 17, 2005
by Nosemonkey
3 Comments

The government: abject bastards (part 4,572)

And here’s me thinking that Blair and co were too busy charging off all round the world to pay any attention to that irrelevant little island which pays their wages.

Yep – they’ve gone and done it. Not only have they passed the law banning a single individual from protesting outside the Houses of Parliament but (no doubt following the same logic as they did with the detention without trial debacle where they decided that they couldn’t be seen to be discriminating against foreigners so gave themselves the right to lock us all up without warning) they’ve arbitrarily expanded the no protest zone as far as Embankment Tube and Lambeth Bridge.

As Robin Grant (in a rather nice piece complete with maps and everything) and Tim Ireland point out, this freedom of speech exclusion zone covers the Home Office, the Foreign Office, the Treasury, the Ministry of Defence, the Department of Trade and Industry and Labour Party HQ.

You can add to that London Underground HQ, the London Eye, the Saachi Gallery, Horseguards and Tate Britain. Pissed off the tubes aren’t working properly? You can’t take your protest to them any more. Angry at the latest nominees for the Turner Prize? Better not shout any abuse at Tracey Emin. A republican? You can no longer shout at the Queen during Trooping the Colour. Want to lend your voice to Mayor of London Ken Livingstone’s campaign to keep the Eye on its current site? Better watch out – you could end up in gaol.

What counts as a political protest anyway? That standard student uniform of a Che T-shirt? A charity wristband? A Rememberance Sunday poppy, necessitating the arrest of the entire Royal family, government and all the top military brass? Who knows?

Well, as Robin notes, they’ve left us a handy way to find out:

“it might be interpreted by some as a form of protest itself, if a group of say, 50 responsible citizens, wanting to avoid committing �serious organised crime�, were to apply for authorisation to demonstrate (for example they might be walking from the tube to St James� park wearing their white band), everyday for a month. I imagine it might take up quite a bit of police time”

Hmmm…

June 16, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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International Relations and Security NetworkIran prepares for presidential elections – looks like it’s between a pro-Western ex-president pushing for economic reform, a reformist looking for religious, political, economic and social liberalisation and a nationalist conservative former police chief who wanted to arrest student protestors in 1999. They vote tomorrow.

June 16, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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European Tribune‘s looking very promising (and apparently it was only launched earlier this week). Their Euro News briefing for today sums up a lot of the stuff you need to know – rather sweetly accompanied with gasps of amazement at how open and collaborative European politics seems to the American author. (Hint: if you think that, you aren’t looking closely enough…) Once they expand their contributor base with a few more country-specific specialists it could have a lot of potential.

June 16, 2005
by Nosemonkey
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An utterly unrelated geek post

Doubtless there’ll be proper content later, what with this being EU summit day and all, but for now that bastard over at Chicken Yoghurt has landed me one of those chain blog meme wotsits. So here goes.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? (Assume you also get baseline superhero enhancements like moderately increased strength, endurance and agility.)

If you can’t fly, you aren’t a superhero. That simple. (Take note Batman you pussy – a dinky iddle cape and a grappling hook don’t cut it). Although I suppose I could get hold of one of those flight rings the Teen Titans or one of that lot had (Update – apparently it was the Legion of Superheroes). Or better yet a Green Lantern Corps power ring that lets me fly and do all kinds of shit. Yep – I’ll have one of them (probably Kyle Rayner era so there isn’t any difficulty with yellow or wood or anything). And I want the ability to make clones of myself like Multiple Man, so that I can send one to the office while I head down the pub.

Which, if any, “existing” superhero(es) do you fancy, and why?

Jennie-Lynn Hayden, aka Jade, daughter of Alan Scott, the Golden Age Green lantern and (apparently – I haven’t read comics for a while) now wife of Kyle Rayner, the current Green Lantern. Bastard. It’s the green skin thing, probably. (Although bizarrely I’ve never fancied She-Hulk…)

Which, if any, “existing” superhero(es) do you hate?

G’nort. But that’s probably a bit obvious.

OK, here’s the tough one. What would your superhero name be? (No prefab porn-name formulas here, you have to make up the name you think you’d be proud to mask under.)

Amazoid the Fantabulous. Or Eric. (Update – I’ve just been reminded that I adpoted the superhero identity “Knife-Stick Man” while at university. It involved running around London with a bunch of knives gaffer-taped to a stick. I did in fact create said weapon, and many acquaintances were terrified. There was no costume bar a rather fetching dressing gown.)

For extra credit: Is there an “existing” superhero with whom you identify/whom you would like to be?

The Red Bee. And I quote: “The Red Bee… has no superpowers except for an uncanny ability to train/control bees.” Fuckin’ A.