{"id":2438,"date":"2009-11-03T18:31:42","date_gmt":"2009-11-03T18:31:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jcm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=2438"},"modified":"2009-11-03T19:51:55","modified_gmt":"2009-11-03T19:51:55","slug":"liveblogging-the-lisbon-apocalypse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/2009\/11\/liveblogging-the-lisbon-apocalypse\/","title":{"rendered":"Liveblogging the Lisbon apocalypse"},"content":{"rendered":"

With Vaclav Klaus’ low-key signature this afternoon, the Lisbon Treaty – which its critics have long accused of being capable of altering the very fabric of European life – has been ratified<\/a>. I was in London, reporting the reactions live on Twitter as the news of the signing spread. First update c.3:15pm UK time<\/a>, last c.6pm:<\/em><\/p>\n

Right. So Lisbon’s signed. I await the end of the nation state (as warned of by some of its madder opponents) with positive glee.<\/p>\n

If I got the anti-Lisbon memo right, we now all have to have abortions and join the army as well. Are the queues already forming?<\/p>\n

Christ – these post-Lisbon laser-tattooed barcodes they’re forcing us to have burned onto our foreheads don’t half smart…<\/p>\n

Christ – I work near Buckingham Palace. EU warplanes have just nuked it! Curse that Lisbon Treaty! I had it all wrong… Forgive me…<\/p>\n

German soldiers are goose-stepping around St James’s Park! The EU flag is flying from the House of Commons. Woe! Woe! All is lost!<\/p>\n

Morris dancers are being rounded up and shot. All bananas are being forcibly straightened. My blog has been taken over by a Romanian. Woe!<\/p>\n

I’m afraid that post-Lisbon Brussels has decreed my name too anglocentric. I shall henceforward be known as Herr Nariz-m?rka?is.<\/p>\n

Still, at least there’s one thing the anti-Lisbon lot can cheer – at least Gordon Brown’s no longer in charge of the country, eh?<\/p>\n

RT @thejimsmith<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> Have your pounds turned to ashes in your pockets? Mine have.<\/p>\n

RT @duckorange<\/a> The Royal crest on my passport has completely burned away, just like what God did to that crate in Raiders of the Lost Ark<\/p>\n

Michael Stipe is singing about how he feels fine from the smoking crater of the palace. Surviving patriots are pelting him with rubble.<\/p>\n

Just spotted Nigel Farage run past, shouting “I told you so” – then the dogs got him. Their blue collars with yellow stars were very dapper.<\/p>\n

RT @duckorange<\/a> And, incredibly, post-Lisbon Treaty, Nick Griffin now leads the European International Party. He is – however – still a twat<\/p>\n

RT @thejimsmith<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> Waterloo Station has just disappeared of the Tube map! It’s been replaced by one called Arcole!<\/p>\n

RT @thejimsmith<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> I no longer understand Imperial measurements! This pint glass has shrunk to a half litre IN MY HAND!<\/p>\n

Is it just me, or are the skies getting darker even as I type? Lisbon’s evil stretches to the very heavens! [c.5pm]<\/p>\n

And when Vaclav Klaus had signed the seventh EU treaty, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour…<\/p>\n

And I saw the seven treaties which stood before Brussels; and to them were given seven trumpets…<\/p>\n

And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense…<\/p>\n

See? It was all there, if only we had bothered to look – even down to Tony B-liar becoming President of the EU with his incense and stuff!<\/p>\n

RT @duckorange<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> Post Lisbon Treaty – Just seen a foreign chappie hammering all the bananas flat in Budgens. We’re DOOMED!<\/p>\n

A priest has just come into the office and forcibly converted us all to Catholicism. Except the Muslims, getting special treatment AS ALWAYS<\/p>\n

One committed Anglican protested. They crucified him on an EU flag. Oh the humanity!<\/p>\n

Breaking, from the City of London: British Airways now called European Airways. British Gas, however, now known as Russian Gas…<\/p>\n

British Telecom is now owned by Orange. Thanks to Gordon Brown and his recession, there were no other British companies left.<\/p>\n

Jutland Square (formerly Trafalgar Square) to host compulsary Lisbon celebrations tonight. Non-attendance means death.<\/p>\n

RT @nickjbarlow<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> And no excuse for not getting there now that the trains are running on time. [Curse those efficient Italians!]<\/p>\n

In (European) Parliament Square, Churchill’s statue is being pulled down and replaced with one of Jean Monnet.<\/p>\n

RT @thejimsmith<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> They’re painting EU stars on the London Eye so they can blink sinisterly at the mother of parliaments!<\/p>\n

RT @thejimsmith<\/a> @Nosemonkey<\/a> They’ve pulled down Pitt’s statue and replaced him with Konrad Adenauer. Roy Jenkins’ ghost is gloating at him.<\/p>\n

Looks like the news about Lisbon has spread – across London, people are streaming out of offices and rushing to be with their loved ones… [c.6pm]<\/p>\n

Hearing Claude Levi-Strauss has died, just before his 101st birthday. Was probably the shock of Lisbon… [c.7:30pm]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With Vaclav Klaus’ low-key signature this afternoon, the Lisbon Treaty – which its critics have long accused of being capable of altering the very fabric of European life – has been ratified. I was in London, reporting the reactions live … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-eu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2438"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2440,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438\/revisions\/2440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jcm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}