Nosemonkey's EUtopia

In search of a European identity

Neil Clark of the Guardian is a fictional construct

I mean, what other explanation can there be for this pile of wilfully-ignorant, almost precisely wrong in every way piece of abject dross?

“The most nauseating aspect of the campaign is the way we are repeatedly told that the Iraqi interpreters worked for ‘us’.
Who exactly is meant by ‘us’? In common with millions of other Britons, I did not want the Iraq war, an illegal invasion of a sovereign state engineered and egged on by a tiny minority of fanatical neoconservatives whose first loyalty was not to Britain but to the cause of Pax Americana.”

I gave up reading the Grauniad several months ago, so I didn’t realise it had turned into a satirical journal – that’s a pretty fine pastiche of the American pro-war right’s standard version of the supposed rabid idiocy of anti-war liberals. Because, I mean come on – no one could write that sort of rubbish with a straight face and genuinely mean it, could they?

But wait – it gets better!

“The interpreters did not work for ‘us’, the British people, but for themselves – they are paid around £16 a day, an excellent wage in Iraq – and for an illegal occupying force. Let’s not cast them as heroes. The true heroes in Iraq are those who have resisted the invasion of their country.”

Yes – you did read that right. Neil Clark just called the nutters detonating car bombs in crowded markets “heroes”.


Go read it – it’s fantastic. It’s almost enough to make me want to begin to wholeheartedly support the war, donate all my savings to the Republican Party, plaster my flat with big posters of George W in flight gear, and to chemically castrate and set fire to every single liberal (whether with a small or a large “L” and in the modern and the classical senses, just to make sure) in an attempt to prevent the likes of Clark ever breeding and polluting our world with their gloriously idiotic views ever again.

In more sensible news, read Dan Hardie’s latest update on the campaign, and watch this, courtesy of the decidedly anti-war Tim Ireland (or, in Neil Clark world, Tim Rumsfeld):

See also Mr Eugenedes on the glorious Mr Clark, and if you can be bothered head over to the fiction suit’s testing ground, where the seams of self-righteousness come in for a bit of a battering, but swiftly re-assert their hold through sheer smug self-satisfaction in the knowledge that there’s not the remotest possibility of being wrong when you consider yourself the truest lefty in the world.

Oh, and note to the Guardian: if you want someone to churn out mindlessly ill-considered, utterly un-researched garbage to spew out to your hilariously bipolar online readership, both confirming the prejudices of the American right-wing trolls and acting as a fluffer to the dwindling enthusiasm of the nuttier reaches of the British left, then I offer good rates.

Neil Clark, I salute you – truly amazing levels of delusion, sir, and a wonderful contribution to neocon efforts to smear all lefties as nutters to boot…